Take This and Write With It

Do You Know Where You Are Going?

I know precisely where I am going. I can see the future as easily as I can see the present. I know exactly where I want to go and how I want to get there, but I also know I don’t want to step on folk’s heads to get there.

Watching those Black folk unite against the white mob in Alabama, was inspiring. It showed me that I am not alone in my anger, my rage. That’s why my new book “In Case of My Death…Burn The World Down,” is so important to me.

Every day I think about what it is I am going to say in this space.

Nada Chehade

is slaying ghouls and demons what the fuck am I doing? I am healing from my battles with demons and ghouls.

I’m not ready to get back in the fight as they say, but then they tell me telling YOU there are real life demons and ghouls out there is being a part of the fight. It’s keeping a record so idiots in the outside world can’t say “Why didn’t you say something?” as if we haven’t been saying this shit for decades.

There is so much darkness out there, and women and girls are the ones who face the most of it. Especially Black and Asian trans women, and so I’d like to use this space to share some thoughts on the topic of trans rights.

Not because I have a brother/sister/cousin/uncle/friend/etc. who is trans, but because trans humans are human beings and they deserve to be treated as such.

There are days I look around at my life and I really have nothing to complain about, and then I’m hit with survivor’s guilt because I got out and too many are still out there battling for the right to exist.

Especially the trans people of this world that I have yet to meet. I once asked my friend Jen to introduce me to someone who had done the transition successfully, with the proper mental health and physical health supports on hand. She couldn’t.

Not because she didn’t know anyone, but because no one wanted to talk to a total stranger about the experience. It’s too scary to be vulnerable with a stranger when you’re not sure how they are going to react to you.

But it’s equally hard - allegedly but not really - for white cis people to understand how trans people can exist in this century when there are so few records of trans humans from the past.

I point you to the outfits of the days of old and dare you to tell me there weren’t trans people hiding amongst the societies of our elders and ancestors. They became really good at hiding over the centuries, but the point is they shouldn’t have to.

Trans men and women should be able to come and go as they please, what someone has or doesn’t have between their legs has no bearing on how they will behave or who they are as people.

It’s not at all difficult for me to look at a trans person and see a fellow or sister or non-binary human cousin. It’s not difficult for me to find things in common with people regardless of their identity labels, but that’s because I grew up being the weirdo so I naturally gravitate to the fringe people.

I love my people. We’re creative, kind, loving, supportive, generous, and spontaneous, and we party like no one’s business all year long all over the world.

I know that I want to be big enough to create stages for my friends all over the world to participate in. I know I want to help others find their way, and if that means telling you that maybe it’s time to leave behind the “white is right” rhetoric that's what the fuck I am going to do.

There are people out there who place themselves - by choice because it’s a fucking personal decision - on the same table as Nazis. They are proud white supremacists, they are proud Brown supremacists and proud Black supremacists, and the one thing that they all have in common is that regardless of their color, any man who is a supremacist is a danger to his community and his fellow humans.

Any place that I want to go is filled with artists, filled with people who are kind, and loving, generous, and teach me to be all these things. They will be filled with people I will share my stories with, they will share their stories with me.

We won’t worry about what color or size or orientation our vessels come in, because we’ll love each other no matter what. We will choose to love each other, even when we slip, even when we make mistakes. We’ll correct each other gently, kindly. We’ll work together.

These are the kind of slayers I’m looking for. The ones that are healing, so they can help others heal when the next round of us comes from the shadows and into the light.

I’m not ready to be a leader yet but it’s still my time to learn, I’m good with that. I’ve got a long way to go before I understand what healthy looks like, but I’m up for the challenge.

Can’t be worse than being traumatized every day, can it?

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl